...the string in my leg's gone.
- The what? - The string. I never told you...
...but, you see, I've got a gammy leg. Oh, dear. Gone. Shot off.
Mandrake, come over here. The redcoats are coming. Come on!
When it is detonated, it will produce enough radioactive fallout...
...so that in 10 months...
...the surface of the Earth will be as dead as the moon.
Come on, de Sadesky! That's ridiculous!
Our studies show even the worst fallout is down to a safe level after two weeks.
You've obviously never heard of cobalt thorium G.
No, what about it?
Cobalt thorium G has a radioactive half-life of 93 years.
If you take, say, 50 H bombs in the 100 megaton range...
...and jacket them with cobalt thorium G...
...when they are exploded, they will produce a doomsday shroud...
...a lethal cloud of radioactivity...
...which will encircle the Earth for 93 years!
What a load of Commie bull. I mean, after all...
I'm afraid I don't understand something, Alexi.
Is the premier threatening to explode it if we carry out the attack?
No. It is not a thing a sane man would do.
The doomsday machine is designed to trigger itself automatically.
But surely you can disarm it somehow.
No. It is designed to explode if any attempt is made to un-trigger it.
Automatically?
It's a Commie trick! We're wasting valuable time!
Look at the big board! They're getting ready to clobber us!
But this is absolute madness. Why should you build such a thing?
Some of us fought against it.
But we could not keep up with the expense involved in the arms race...
...the space race and the peace race.
At the same time, our people grumbled for more nylons and washing machines.
Our doomsday scheme cost us a small fraction...
...of what we had been spending on defense in a single year.
The deciding factor was when we learned your country...
...was working along similar lines. We were afraid of a doomsday gap.
This is preposterous! I've never approved of anything like that.
Our source was The New York Times.
Dr. Strangelove, do we have anything like that in the works?
A moment, please, Mr. President.
Under the authority granted me...
...as director of weapons research and development...
...I commissioned last year a study of this project...
...by the Bland Corporation.
Based on the findings of the report...
...my conclusion was that this idea was not a practical deterrent...
...for reasons which at this moment must be all too obvious.
Then you mean it is possible for them to have built such a thing?
Mr. President, the technology required is easily within the means...
...of even the smallest nuclear power.
It requires only the will to do so.
But how is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically...
...and at the same time impossible to un-trigger?
Mr. President, it is not only possible...
...it is essential.
That is the whole idea of this machine, you know.
Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy...
...the fear to attack.
And so because of the automated and irrevocable decision-making process...
...which rules out human meddling...
...the doomsday machine is terrifying.
This is simple to understand.
And completely credible and convincing.
Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines, Stainesy.
But this is fantastic, Strangelove. How can it be triggered automatically?
Well, it's remarkably simple to do that.
When you merely wish to bury bombs...
...there's no limit to the size.
After that, they are connected to a gigantic complex of computers.
Now, then: a specific and clearly-defined set of circumstances...
...under which the bombs are to be exploded...
...is programmed into a tape memory bank.
- A single role of tape can store... - Strangelove.
What kind of a name is that? That ain't no Kraut name, is it?
He changed it when he became a citizen.
It used to be Merkwurdichliebe.
Well, a Kraut by any other name, huh, Stainesy?
- is that the whole point of the doomsday machine...
...is lost if you keep it a secret.
Why didn't you tell the world?
It was to be announced at the Party Congress on Monday.
As you know, the premier loves surprises.
Stay with me, Mandrake.
All right, Mandrake, now feed me. Feed me bullets.
Jack, don't you think we'd be better off away from all this flying glass?
No, we're okay here.
Mandrake, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why...
...there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour...
...fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk, ice cream?
Ice cream, Mandrake.
- Children's ice cream. - Good Lord.
You know when fluoridation first began?
No, I don't, Jack.
1946.
1946, Mandrake.
How does that coincide with your postwar Commie conspiracy, huh?
It's incredibly obvious, isn't it?
A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids...
...without the knowledge of the individual.
Certainly without any choice.
That's the way a hard-core Commie works.
Jack. Listen, tell me... Tell me, Jack.
When did you first become... Well, develop this theory?
Well, I...
I first became aware of it, Mandrake...
...during the physical act of love.
Yes, a profound sense of fatigue...
...a feeling of emptiness followed.
Luckily, I was able to interpret these feelings correctly.
Loss of essence.
I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake.
Women sense my power...
...and they seek the life essence.
- I do not avoid women, Mandrake. - No.
But I do deny them my essence.
Yes, yes, Jack.
Cease fire!
My boys must have surrendered.
Well, there it is.
Now, Jack, listen.
While there's still time, I beg you, let's recall the wing and...
Those boys were like my children, Mandrake.
- Now they let me down. - No, no, Jack, not a bit of it.
No, I'm sure they all gave it their very best.
I'm equally sure they all died thinking of you...
...every man jack of them, Jack.
Supposing a bit of water has gone off, eh?
One can never be too sure about those things.
But you look at me. Do I look all rancid and clotted?
You look at me, Jack. Look.
And I drink a lot of water, you know. I'm what you might call a water man.
And I can swear to you, my boy, swear to you...
...that there's nothing wrong with my bodily fluids. Not a thing, Jackie.
Mandrake, were you ever a prisoner of war?
Well, Jack, the time's running very...
- What? - Were you ever a prisoner of war?
Yes, I was, as a matter of fact, Jack.
Did they torture you?
Yes, they did. I was tortured by the Japanese, if you must know.
- Not a pretty story. - What happened?
I don't know, Jack. It's difficult to think of under these conditions.
Well, what happened was...
...they got me on the old Rangoon-Inchinawa Railway.
I was laying train lines for the bloody Japanese puff-puffs.
No, I mean, when they tortured you, did you talk?
No, I...
Well, I don't think they wanted me to talk, really, or say anything.
It was their way of having a bit of fun, the swines.
The strange thing is they make such bloody good cameras.
Those clowns outside are gonna give me...
...a pretty good going-over in a few minutes for the code.
Yes...
Yes, well, you may have... May have quite a point there, Jack.
I don't know how well I could stand up under torture.
Well, of course, the answer to that is, boy, no one ever does.
And my advice to you, Jack, is to give me the code now.
And if those devils come back and try any rough stuff...
...we'll fight them together, like we did just now on the floor.
You with your gun and me with a belt and the ammo, feeding you.
"Feed me," you said, and I was feeding you, Jack.
You know, Mandrake...
...I happen to believe in a life after this one...
...and I know I'll have to answer for what I've done.
And I think I can.
Yes, well, of course you can, Jack. Of course you can. You can.
I'm a religious man myself, you know, Jack.
I believe in all that sort of thing and I'm hoping, you know, Jack...
You've dropped your gun, Jack. Yes... You know what...?
No, Jack, let me take that for you. I'll take that for you, Jack.
You know what I'm hoping? I'm hoping you're going to give me the code.
And... You're going to have a wash and brush up? What a good idea.
Always did wonders for a man, a wash and brush up.
Water on the back of the neck makes you feel marvelous.
That's what we need, water on the neck and the code.
Now, supposing I play a little guessing game with you, Jack, boy.
I'll try and guess what the code is...
Copilot to navigator. I'm ready with the fuel figures now.
We have 109,000 total...
... 79,000 in the mains...
... and 30,000 in the auxiliaries.
And that works out to roughly...
... seven hours, 15 minutes endurance from this time.
DSO to captain. I have an unidentified radar blip.
Distance, 60 miles.
Approximate speed, Mach 3.
Looks like a missile tracking us.
Confirmed, definite missile track. Commence evasive action right.
Missile still closing range.
Distance, 50 miles. Continue evasive action.
Lock ECM to target intercept mode.
ECM locked to target intercept mode.
Missile still tracking and closing distance.
Range, 40 miles. Continue evasive action.
Electronic Guidance Scrambler to blue grid.
Missile still tracking steady and closing distance.
Range, 30 miles.
Missile still closing true and steady. Continue evasive action.
Range, 20 miles.
Missile still closing distance and tracking steady.
Attack range gate on maximum scan.
Range gate on maximum scan.
Range, 10 miles.
Missile track deflecting. Continue evasive action.
Deflection increasing. Range, eight miles.
Deflection still increasing. Range, six miles.
Missile still deflecting. Range, four miles.
Range, two miles. Missile still deflecting.
Range, one mile. Missile detonated!
- Start lever to cutoff! - Cutoff!
Essential power!
Re-select essential power!
Essential power re-selected.
The hatch is stuck!
- Hit emergency power! - Roger!
- Extinguishers! - Roger!
- Transfer switches! - Transferred!
- Boost pumps off! - Cut off!
Fuel valves three, four and six!
- Give me full power! - Roger.
"Peace on Earth. Peace on Earth."
P-O-E.
"Purity of Essence."
O-P-O-E.
O-P-E.
Put your hands over your head.
What the devil do you think you're doing? Who are you?
Put your hands over your head.
What kind of suit do you call that, fella?
What do you mean, suit?
This happens to be an RAF uniform, sir.
And I am Group Captain Lionel Mandrake...
...General Ripper's executive officer.
Where's General Ripper?
He's dead, in the bathroom.
- Where's the bathroom? - Next to you.
I don't know what stupid game you're playing...
...but I've got an idea what the recall code is.
I have to get in touch with SAC headquarters.
I said, put your hands over your head and keep them there. Go on.
- Got any witnesses? - Witnesses?
What are you talking about? He shot himself!
While he was shaving, huh?
Now, look, Colonel "Bat" Guano, if that really is your name...
...may I tell you that I have a very, very good idea...
...I think, I hope, I pray, what the recall code is.
It's some theme he kept repeating.
A variation on "Peace on Earth" or "Purity of Essence," one of those.
Put your hands up on top of your head. Start walking.
Don't you know that General Ripper went mad...
...and sent the whole wing to attack the Soviets?
- What are you talking about? - I'll tell you what I'm talking about.
I'm gonna pick up this red telephone, which is connected to SAC...
...and I hope...
Blast. Blast.
Shot away, I expect, by one of your men during this ridiculous fighting!
Right.
All right, Charlie, I've been wasting too much time on you.
I got a lot of wounded men outside. Start walking.
All the radio gear is out, including the CRM 114.
I think the auto-destruct mechanism got hit and blew itself up.
The fire is out. The emergency power is on.
Everything seems to check out all right. Will advise.
Roger. Navigator?
I've worked out our rate of fuel loss at approximately 162 per minute.
This gives us a radius of action sufficient to take out...
... primary and secondary targets, but we will not...
...repeat, not be able to make it back to any base or neutral country.
However, we would have enough fuel to ditch at weather ship Tango Delta...
... grid coordinates 003691.
Well, boys, we got three engines out...
...we got more holes in us than a horse trader's mule...
...the radio is gone and we're leaking fuel.
If we was flying any lower, we'd need sleigh bells on this thing.
But we got one little budge on them Russkies.
At this height, they might harpoon us...
...but they sure ain't gonna spot us on no radar screen.
The other way.
- Where are you taking me? - To the main gate.
Colonel!
Colonel, I must know what you think has been going on here.
- You wanna know what I think? - Yes.
I think you're some kind of deviated "prevert."
I think Ripper found out about your "preversion"...
...and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts. Now, move!
I don't know anything about any planes attacking Russia.
I was told to get Ripper on the phone with the president of the United States.
Now, just one second. You just said, "The president."
What about the president?
The president wants to speak to General Ripper, doesn't he?
Now, General Ripper is dead, is he not?
I am General Ripper's executive officer...
...so the president will want to speak to me, won't he?
There's a telephone box over there and the line may be open.
You wanna talk to the president of the United States?
I don't want to talk to him, I've got to talk to him.
And if you don't put that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense...
...the court of inquiry on this will give you such a pranging...
...you'll be lucky to end up wearing the uniform of a bloody toilet attendant!
Okay. Go ahead.
Try and get the president of the United States on the phone.
If you try any preversions in there, I'll blow your head off.
Operator? This is Group Captain Lionel Mandrake.
I'm speaking from Burpelson Air Force Base.
Something urgent has come up and I want you to place an emergency call...
...with President Merkin Muffley in the Pentagon, Washington, D.C.
Burpelson 39180.
No, I'm perfectly serious. The president of the United States.
Oh, I'm sorry, I haven't got enough change.
Could you make this a collect call, operator?
Just one second, operator.
They won't accept the call. Have you got 55 cents?
You don't think I'd go into combat with loose change in my pocket, do you?
Operator, look.
Is it possible to make this an ordinary trunk call?
Well, what do you call it? You know...
Oh, station-to-station.
Oh, blast! I'm still 20 cents short.
Operator, hold on. I shan't keep you a second.
Colonel, that Coca-Cola machine. I want you to shoot the lock off it.
There may be some change in there.
That's private property.
Can you possibly imagine what is gonna happen to you...
...your frame, outlook, way of life and everything...
...when they learn you have obstructed a telephone call to the president?
Can you imagine?
Shoot it off! Shoot with the gun!
That's what the bullets are for, you twit!
Okay. I'm gonna get your money for you.
But if you don't get the president on the phone, know what's gonna happen?
You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola Company.
This is SAC Communications Control.
The recall code O-P-E...
... is being acknowledged "roger" by elements of the 843 bomb wing.
These are the details:
Missions 12, 22, 30 and 38...
... are reported destroyed by enemy action.
All other missions have acknowledged recall code.
This is SAC Communications Control, over and out.
Gentlemen, gentlemen.
Gentlemen.
Mr. President.
I'm not a sentimentalist by nature...
...but I think I know what's in every heart in this room.
I think we ought to all just bow our heads...
...and give a short prayer of thanks for our deliverance. Lord...
...we have heard the wings of the Angel of Death...
...fluttering over our heads from the Valley of Fear.
You have seen fit to deliver us from the forces of evil...
Excuse me, sir.
Premier Kissoff's calling again and he's hopping mad.
Fuel flow on active engines and leakage has increased.
Now works out at 205.
Estimate remaining fuel at 8790.
Roger. Confirm 205 per minute...
... and remaining fuel 8790.
No, no, Dimitri, there must be some mistake.
No, I'm certain of that.
I'm perfectly certain of that, Dimitri.
Just a second. You know what he says?
He says one of the planes hasn't turned back.
According to information forwarded by our air staffs...
...it's headed for the missile complex at Laputa.
That's impossible, Mr. President. I mean, look at the big board.
Thirty-four planes, 30 recalls acknowledged and four splashes...
...and one of them was targeted for Laputa.
Dimitri, look, we've got an acknowledgement from every plane...
...except the four you've shot down.
He... Hang on a second, Dimitri.
He says their air defense now only claims three aircraft confirmed.
The fourth may only be damaged.
Mr. President, I'm beginning to smell a big, fat, Commie rat.
I mean, supposing Kissoff is lying about that fourth plane...
...just looking for an excuse to clobber us.
If the spaghetti hits the fan now, we're in trouble.
Dimitri, look, if this report is true...
...and the plane manages to bomb the target...
...is this gonna set off the doomsday machine?
Are you sure?
Well, I guess you're just gonna have to get that plane, Dimitri.
I'm sorry they're jamming your radar and flying so low...
...but they're trained to do it, you know? It's initiative.
Look, Dimitri, you know exactly where they're going...
...and I'm sure your entire air defense can stop a single plane.
Listen, it's not gonna help either one of us...
...if the doomsday machine goes off, now, is it?
Dimitri, there's no point in you getting hysterical at a moment like this!
Dimitri. Keep your feet on the ground while you're talking, Dimitri.
I am not... I am not getting...
No, Dimitri, I'm just worried, that's all.
Look, if our air staff say its primary target is Laputa...
...and its secondary target is Borchov, I mean, it's true, Dimitri.
You've gotta believe it!
Look, can l...? Dimitri, can I give you just one word...?
Can I give you just one word of advice, Dimitri?
Listen, Dimitri.
Put everything you've got into those two sectors and you can't miss!
Sir, if we continue to lose fuel at the present rate...
...I estimate we only have 38 minutes flying time...
...which will not even take us as far as the primary.
Doggone it, Sweets, you told me that you could get me to the primary!
I'm sorry, sir. That estimate was based on the original loss rate factor...
...not at 205.
I don't give a hoot in hell how you do it...
...just get me to the primary, you hear?
I'm sorry, sir, but those are the figures.
We'll be lucky to reach weather ship at Tango Delta.
Well, shoot!
We ain't come this far just to dump this thing in the drink.
What's the nearest target of opportunity?
Sir, if the rate of loss does not increase...
...we have a chance to reach target 384...
...grid coordinate 003691...
...and possibly make it from there to the Tango Delta weather ship.
What kind of a target is that, anyhow?
Sir, that's the ICBM complex at Kotloss.
All right. Designating new target: 384.
Give me a heading on that as soon as you get it worked out.
Well, we'll keep our fingers crossed. Remember, we're all in this together.
We're right behind you, we're with you all the way.
Yes. Well, we'll keep the line open.
All right, Dimitri.
General Turgidson, is there really a chance for that plane to get through?
Mr. President, if I may speak freely.
The Russki talks big, but frankly, we think he's short of know-how.
You can't expect ignorant peons to understand a machine like our boys.
And that's not meant as an insult.
We all know how much guts the average Russki's got.
Look at all of them the Nazis killed off, they still wouldn't quit!
Can't you stick to the point?
Well, sir, if the pilot's good, see...
I mean, if he's really sharp, he can barrel that baby in so low.
You ought to see it. It's a sight! A big plane, like a '52...
...its jet exhaust frying chickens in the barnyard!
- Yeah, but has he got a chance? - Has he got a chance?
Hell, ye...
Navigator to captain.
Approaching target at distance 10 miles.
Switch from green grid to target orange.
Roger. Ready for final bomb run check.
- Take over, Ace. - Roger.
- DSO ready. - Bombardier ready, sir.
Bomb fusing, master safety on.
Electronic, barometric, time and impact.
Bomb fusing, master safeties on.
Electronic, barometric, time and impact.
Fuse for ground burst. Delay factor yellow three.
Bomb fusing circuits one through four, test.
Bomb fusing circuits one through four, test. Lights on.
Bomb arming test lights on, one through four.
Engage primary trigger switch override.
Primary trigger switch override engaged.
Track indicators to maximum deflection.
Detonator set to zero altitude.
Release first safety.
First safety released.
- First safety. - Release second safety.
Second safety released.
Second safety.
Check bomb door circuits one through four.
Bomb door circuits, negative function, lights red.
- Switch in backup circuits. - Roger.
Backup circuits switched in. Still negative function.
- Engage emergency power. - Roger.
Emergency power on. Still negative function.
Operate manual override!
Roger.
Still negative function.
The Teleflex drive cable must be sheared away.
- Fire the explosive bolts! - Roger.
Still negative, sir. The operating circuits are dead, sir.
Stay on the bomb run, Ace. I'm going down below and see what I can do.
Stay on the bomb run, boys.
I'm gonna get them doors open if it harelips everybody on Bear Creek!
Target orange grid reference checks.
Target distance, eight miles.
Roger. Eight miles.
Telemetric guidance computer into orange grid.
Target distance, seven miles.
Correct track indicator, minus seven.
Roger. Seven miles. Set GPI acceleration factor.
GPI acceleration factor set.
Target distance, six miles.
Roger. Six miles. Pulse ident transponder active.
Target distance, five miles.
Five miles. Homing alignment factor to zero mode.
Homing alignment factor to zero mode.
Target distance, four miles.
Roger. Four miles.
Auto CDC into manual Teleflex link.
Target distance, three miles.
Roger. Three miles.
Target in sight! Where in hell is Major Kong?
What about Major Kong?
Mr. President, I would not rule out the chance...
...to preserve a nucleus of human specimens.
It would be quite easy...
...at the bottom of some of our deeper mineshafts.
The radioactivity would never penetrate a mine some thousands of feet deep.
And in a matter of weeks, sufficient improvements in dwelling space...
...could easily be provided.
How long would you have to stay down there?
Well, that's, you know...
Cobalt thorium G.
Radioactive half-life of...
I would think that... Possibly 100 years.
You mean people could actually stay down there for 100 years?
It would not be difficult, mein Führer.
Nuclear reactors could...
I'm sorry, Mr. President.
Nuclear reactors could provide power almost indefinitely.
Greenhouses could maintain plant life.
Animals could be bred and slaughtered.
A quick survey would have to be made...
...of the available mine sites in the country.
But I would guess that a dwelling space...
...for several hundred thousand of our people could easily be provided.
Well, I would hate to have to decide...
...who stays up and who goes down.
Well, that would not be necessary, Mr. President.
It could easily be accomplished with a computer.
The computer could be set and programmed...
...to accept factors from youth, health...
...sexual fertility, intelligence...
...and a cross-section of necessary skills.
Of course, it would be absolutely vital...
...that our top government and military men be included...
...to foster and impart the required principles of leadership and tradition.
Naturally, they would breed prodigiously.
There would be much time and little to do.
But with the proper breeding techniques and a ratio of, say...
...10 females to each male...
...they could then work their way back to the present gross national product...
...within, say, 20 years.
But look here, doctor. Wouldn't this nucleus of survivors...
...be so grief-stricken and anguished that they'd...
...well, envy the dead and not wanna go on living?
No, sir. Excuse me.
No, sir. When they go down into the mine, everyone would still be alive.
There would be no shocking memories...
...and the prevailing emotion will be one of nostalgia for those left behind...
...combined with a spirit of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead!
Doctor...
...you mentioned the ratio of 10 women to each man.
Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment...
...of the so-called monogamous sexual relationship?
I mean, as far as men were concerned?
Regrettably, yes.
But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race.
I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious...
...service along these lines...
...the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics...
...which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature.
I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, doctor.
Thank you, sir.
I think we ought to look at this from the military point of view. I mean...
Supposing the Russkies stashed away some big bombs, see, and we didn't?
When they come out in 100 years, they could take over!
I agree, Mr. President.
They might try a sneak attack so they could take over our mineshaft space.
It'd be extremely naive of us to imagine that these new developments...
...are gonna cause any change in Soviet expansionist policy!
I mean, we must be increasingly on the alert...
...to prevent them from taking over mineshaft space...
...in order to breed more than we do...
...thus knocking us out through superior numbers when we emerge!
Mr. President, we must not allow a mineshaft gap!
Sir!
I have a plan.
I can walk!